Bindi Irwin

Let's break it down:

- Shares the same horrifyingly positive demeanour that most Pentacostal Suicide Cult leaders have.

- 22 months on, is still using a coffin as a soapbox.

- Has a face like a stepped-on Bullfrog.

Look sweetheart, you may like to focus on only happy things, cute little animals and the like. And that's fine for the time being.

But I've got sour news for you, Missy. The world isn't all sunshine, fairy tales, popcorn and farts. One of these days you'll discover both this and crystal meth, and then the rest of us will be all the better for it.


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