21.1.10

James Cameron



With all this 3D fuckwittery that he's got going on, you'd think he'd utilise the same technology to trick his wife into finally thinking that he does, in fact, possess a functioning set of testes.

But apparently he's content to eternally remain a dickless wonder.

Fail-O-Meter:

20.1.10

Corporate Name-Sponsored Stadiums



Man, back in the day sports venues used to sound so cool. You'd have simple, completely badass sounding places like The Coliseum, or Meadowlands, or York Motherfucking Park. Nowadays it seems like every retard and his cheque book can throw his dick and balls on the side of an arena and call it "corporate sponsorship". To make matters worse, they sound RIDICULOUS. Hisense Arena? Izod Centre? ETIHAD STADIUM?

FUCK. THAT.

When I get good and rich, I'm going to buy a stadium and rename it myself. Just for shits and giggles, I'll buy the team that plays there and rename that too! Fuck it, I'm going to throw money everywhere at everyone. You can't stop me, chief. I'm in the fucking ZONE.

From 2015 on you'll be able to see the New Jersey Suckmydicks playing at Eatmyshit Arena, as they make their way towards their third Cockface Cup in a row. Games broadcast exclusively on the Everyone's Shitty Poo Network.

Fail-O-Meter:

Dudes who should be bald, but aren't



The type of muppet who tries to defy the will of nature by going to Advanced Hair or using fucking Rogain or Dimoxinyl or whatfuckingever. You know the type. By all accounts, they should be sporting a dome by now, but instead they've used filthy gypsy cheats and grown their hair back. So now they flaunt their non-baldness by doing ridiculous shit with it like in the above. The end result bares an uncanny resemblance to a burnt out abandoned sparrows nest.

Take the hint. You've run the hair gauntlet, and you fucking well lost. Deal with it.

Fail-O-Meter:

Dinara Safina



Woah! Put her back in! She's not done yet!

Fail-O-Meter:

13.1.10

Jay Leno



Miserably retarded hack who's been rehashing the same jokes that have been stale since 1992. Furthermore, is a Chinbeast that should hung, drawn and quartered in a public square alongside such other mythical beasts as Gojira, Gamera, Mecha-Streisand, and JizzBoy: The Boy made of Jizz.

Fail-O-Meter:

Military Re-enactments


What a staggering, mind-numbing, face-boiling, soul-depriving waste of fucking time.

Fail-O-Meter: