24.6.09

Non-Wimbledon tennis players



At Wimbledon, you're able to see smart looking world-class professionals engage in an ages-old battle of stregth, stamina and endurance on an expertly manicured grass court.

Anywhere else in the world, you'll see two faggots flop about on a court made of dicks and hate wearing clothes that look like they've been wrung through a magazine printing press whilst a bear simultaneously shits on them from a great height.

Fail-O-Meter:

21.6.09

Dane Cook



You've got a head like a kettle and the comedic appeal of dried up duck shit.

Shut the fuck up.

Fail-O-Meter:

19.6.09

This shit


Seriously if you know this person I will pay a lot of money for you to imprison him somewhere so I can come and give him a savage; savage beating. Who wants to chip in?

Fail-O-Meter:

NASA

"There are no aliens up there, as far as we know, but NASA is preparing to bomb the moon.

A space mission blasted off from Cape Canaveral today carrying a missile that will fire a hole deep in the lunar surface,
The Daily Telegraph reported.

The unmanned Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite mission (LCROSS) will fire a Centaur rocket into the surface at twice the speed of a bullet.

The aim is to see whether any traces of water or vapour will be revealed by the disruption caused to the surface"

Gotta tell you, I'm not 100% on this one. When we live in a world where poverty effects a very large proportion of the world's population how can the yanks justify spending billions of dollars on bombing the fucking moon.

I've watched enough disaster movies to know that firing a missile at a large hunk of rock orbiting the planet is not exactly a good move.

Also, since when has the speed of a bullet become an accepted measure of speed.

Fail-O-Meter:

16.6.09

The douchebag who sharked facebook.com/epicfail

You better PRAY TO ALMIGHTY GOD that you don't bump into me on the street, motherfucker.

Oh HURFUCKINGDUR "Look at me and my awesome Facebook url. I'm special and not at all the filthy pile of dogshit that the url suggests I am. I am super awesome and hilarious."

DO YOU SEE ME LAUGHING, FLESHPIG? DO YOU?

LEAVE TOWN.

LEAVE THE FUCKING COUNTRY.

Fail-O-Meter:

12.6.09

People who complain about parking tickets


Hot tip: If you don't want to get a parking ticket PAY FOR YOUR FUCKING PARKING!!!

Fail-O-Meter:

8.6.09

Conspiracy Theorists


Kung-Fu cult hero David Carradine may have been killed by a secret society of martial arts assassins, his family's lawyer, Mark Garegos claims. The New York Post reports Geragos suggested Carradine may have been attempting to uncover groups working in the martials-arts underworld at the time of his death.

Mr Garegos has previously represented Michael Jackson, actress Winona Ryder, wife-killer Scott Peterson and singer Chris Brown.

You fucking what?

First of all, if Ninjas did indeed kill whathisface, there'd be no suspicion whatsoever because they wouldn't have done it in such a ridiculous way like tying a fucking rope between his neck and his johnson.

Secondly, let's look at the "reputable" Mr Garegos' list of prior clients.

Michael Jackson: Insane.

Winona Ryder: Pirate whore.

Scott "Wife Killer" Peterson: Wife killer.

Chris Brown: Retard.


Here's a theory for you: Shut the fuck up.

Fail-O-Meter:

5.6.09

Ben Lee (CON-FUCKING-TINUED)



FUCK YOU BEN LEE YOU'RE NOT PUTTING YOUR GODDAMN SPYWARE ONTO MY COMPUTER YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT.

I HOPE YOU DIE. I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE OF BRAIN AIDS YOU DICK-SHITTING CUNT.

Fail-O-Meter:

4.6.09

Power Adapters



That's cool. I didn't need that second socket anyways.

Fail-O-Meter:

2.6.09

Pizza Makers



What a useless piece of fucking shit.

Do you know what other kitchen appliance can be equally as effective in the cooking of a pizza?

An oven. A fucking oven.

Added bonus: Cooking a pizza in an oven is a surefire way to ensure that your pizza doesn't look the 3-day old vomit omelette that you see above.

Fail-O-Meter: