3D Movies

You're doing it wrong.

Fail-O-Meter:

Lady Gaga

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This shit

...

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Lance Armstrong

The only reason you're doing as well as you are is because

a) You're riding the coattails of everyone else.

and b) You've got a FUCK OFF good team who are ensuring Le Tour follows the organisers script.

And yes, I just said script. Because the Tour de France is quite obviously rigged.

If it wasn't rigged, you'd be fucking failing over all the place, and no one (not even your average useless French dicklicker) wants to see a one nutted retard finish 164th.

Go home, Grandpa.

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Stuart MacGill

Shut the fuck up.

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Black Eyed Peas

Fill up my cup
Mazel tov
Look at her dancing
just take it off

These are lyrics from the new Black Eyed Peas single "I Got A Feeling".

Now, (passing off the glaring grammatical error in the song title as run-of-the-mill dickshittery) I'm not a fancy big city Jew. But it seems to me that the correct usage of the term "Mazel tov" is to congratulate someone on the completion of a significant event. An event such as a wedding, or a Bar Mitzvah, or the completion of military service.

"Fill up my cup" is not a fucking significant event.

This band used to be pretty good. "Request Line" was a great song. Then they hired the crack whore and turned into a bunch of faggot munching Fugees-wannabes.

None of you mongoloids are fit enough to hold Wyclef Jean's jockstrap, and you fucking know it.

Remove all traceable evidence of yourselves from the face of the planet post haste.

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Joe Jackson

No.

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This shit

I definitely don't like that crackwhore transvestite Lady GaGa and therefore I sure as shit am not going to like this pumpkin-faced "Clubkid" fuckwit. What a fucking stupid dickshitting name.

Get murdered.

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Jason Jackson

"An Australian from the backblocks of western Sydney believes he has what it takes to moonwalk in Michael Jackson's shoes.

"I believe I am alive today because God saved me for this - to make people happy. I have a message to give, the same as Michael," he said yesterday.

Just 10 minutes after Jackson's death Jason's phone started ringing. It hasn't stopped. He and his manager, his mum Theresa, have taken more than 200 calls and made 80 bookings, a far cry from the three inquiries a week he was used to.

With barely enough time to grieve for the man whom he calls a "second father", Jason said he had so many offers it was now "make-or-break" time."

Is this shit real? Seriously do people like this actually exist? If so...

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Megan Fox

So I went and saw Transformers 2 recently; Michael Bay has a lot to answer for. Anyways I knew it would suck but I thought "at least Megan Fox will be capering around being hot". This would have been the case if she wasn't dressed up like some sort of galactic whore...

I can't find a picture that supports my argument but if you've seen the movie you know what I mean...

Don't get me wrong the chick is fine but seriously, lay off the makeup.

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This guy

A WOULD-BE thief made the worst mistake of his career after breaking into the house of a retired Army boxer.

Gregory McCalium, 23, fronted court yesterday with a black eye and a fat lip after he was busted - and subsequently bashed - by 71-year-old Frank Corti in Mr Corti’s house in Oxford, UK.

Mr Corti said he was woken in the middle of the night by noises in his house and was confronted by the knife-wielding McCalium when he went to investigate.

He said McCalium “took a slash” at him, but Mr Corti ducked and threw two big right hooks at the lout.

And Mr Corti knows how to throw a right hook – he was famous for it as a featherweight in the Royal Engineers.

The blows almost knocked McCalium out, allowing Mr Corti to perform a citizens’ arrest and wait for the police.

The judge wasn’t moved, saying McCalium “got what he deserved” before sentencing him to four-and-a-half years’ jail.

Well nice going genius. If there's one thing we've learned from Clint Eastwood it's that you never, ever attack a retired old man. Ever.

Technique > Brute force.

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