Nigella Lawson

Seriously woman.

Tits or gtfo.

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Look at your pants.

Your pants: Look at them.

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Dave

Oh hey Dave, what's up man? Yeah. Yeah sweet. Me? Oh you know, the usual. This and that I guess. You know, the same old routine, really. I get up, I go to work, then I come home for a bit of GET THE FUCK OFF MY INTERNETS, FUCKFACE.

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The things that I hate.

Fuck those things.

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This Shit

Ok, 2 things.

1. This email claims to be from someone called Yofranks yet it states in the from column that it is from Qui Tang. I do not know anyone who goes by either of these names.

2. What the fuck sort of name is Yofranks.

DELETE

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Brad Garrett

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Cowboy pilots

Click here

If you took your hands off your dicks for five seconds you might actually get a chance to remember this:

Plane goes on runway.

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This little shit.

Funny Kid Isnt Sorry About Huge Party - Watch more free videos

Little cunt needs a fucking kick in the teeth, or the wrath of the back of Dad's hand.

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The Australian Open a.k.a The US Open ver 2.0

Just cause old fuckhead Hewitt had a bit of a winge last year you go and change the fucking courts to exact clones of the courts used at the US Open. Surely the point of having the Australian Open having rebound ace was so every grand slam was played on a different surface, the least you could have done was kept the courts green but no. Now we have 2 tournaments exactly the same. Lame.

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Matthew Hardy (no not the wrestler)

If your so Australian then why are you such a fuck. You are the most unfunny person since Corinne Grant.

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Tim Franklin

Find a fire and die in it.

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Wilson

Show your face, you bloody coward.

Fucking Commie scum.

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epicfail.org

What a fucking joke.

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Cantaloupe

Sure, it's good for you.
But it's as bland as high school poetry and tastes like candle wax.

Stay the fuck away from my cereal.

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Greater Hobart

I'm sorry I wasn't aware Oatlands was a part of Hobart. Fucking Hobart.

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The Board of Control for Cricket in India, the International Cricket Council, the Australian Sports Hall of Fame, and Peter Roebuck.

A fail in four parts. A veritable hail of fail, as it were.

The Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI)

Let's think about this rationally, for a moment here. You, as a collective group of grown men who have been chosen to oversee the process and progress of the game in one of the most densely populated nations in the world, were threatening to pull the pin on an entire tour, effectively canning nearly 2 months of additional matches, because one of your players was found GUILTY of an infraction against the clearly stated code of conduct. A player who, I'll add, has fallen afoul of that very same code of conduct on more than one occasion in the past. I fully understand the grievance you may feel on account of the nature of this particular allegation. Racist connotations or implications are never nice, and should never sit lightly with anyone. However the fact remains that India is a progressive nation, and the civility of British rule past is slowly fading from India's social make-up. And to be honest, I don't really care that Satchin Tendulkar fully supports Harbhajan. It shouldn't matter who throws his/her weight behind him. It could be Johnny Nobody from the Toorak B-Reserve team, or it could be the second coming of WG Grace himself. The fact remains that if Andrew Symonds feels certain that he has been vilified against, action MUST be taken, and punishment needs to be handed down. You cannot throw your economic weight around in attempt to take a strangle hold of the game itself in order to further the agenda that best suits your interests. It is simply not cricket. And in regards to the dodgy umpiring of Steve Bucknor, yes, I'll admit, he got some things wrong. Everyone does from time to time. It's this human element that makes the game of cricket so great. Yeah, it might have afforded you a loss instead of a draw. But the bottom line is this; Your final three, supposedly international quality, elite cricketers, could not survive the 8 balls that were left. Balls that were being delivered by a pie-throwing, part-time-spinning pretty boy. Yeah you copped bad decisions. Yeah Ponting's declaration wasn't exactly sporting. But for shits sake. Your team had a nearly 100 run lead in the first innings. And you came 8 minutes shy of a draw, only to have your last three wickets fall in the space of five balls that were bowelled by a guy who, by his own admission, has infinitely more arse than class.

You lost. Get over it. Now shut the fuck up and play the fucking game.

The International Cricket Council

Shame on you for caving in to the BCCI by sacking Bucknor. You're supposed to be overseeing the best interests of the GAME of CRICKET. Not being held to ransom by a bunch of sooking sub-continentals who are throwing a tantrum because they copped a few (admittedly horridly) bad decisions that MAY (but probably wouldn't) have cost them a loss instead of a draw. The rules of cricket clearly, CLEARLY state that a participating team has absolutely NO say as to which umpires are appointed for the game, and by caving in you have set a very dangerous precedent for future contests. For fucking shame.

The Australian Sports Hall of Fame

What fucking right do you cunts think you have to go around demanding that the Australian national cricket team be re-structured, or certain players be axed etc.? Don't get me wrong, I appreciate your contributions to Australian sports in the past. But for fucks sake, talk about tall poppy syndrome. Here we have a group of retired dudes. One sailed boats. One ran marathons. One did some other shit thing that I can't remember right now. You are retired. Your spot in that Hall of Fame is merely ceremonial. As is any Hall of Fame ever. You do not "have a fair bit of clout in the current sporting world". Get the fuck out of my papers and go back to rubbing osteo-ease into your long-overdue-for-replacement knee joints.

Peter Roebuck

If, by some Satanic miracle, Ricky Ponting is indeed sacked because of your comments, rest assured I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you, and I'm coming for your house. You miserable, bottom feeding, lowest common denominating muck raker. You may say you wrote what you did because you wanted to get a reaction? Well I've got a reaction for you. My foot in your trachea. How's that for a reaction.

HAIL. OF. FAIL.

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Tony Greig

If you hate Australia so much why do you continue to come out here ever summer to watch us win?

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That Weis Bar ad

If I sent some guy to get me fish and chips and he came back with a heap of fucking Weis Bars I would be hella pissed.

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