The Veronicas

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,26278,24514700-5016432,00.html

"I want to get on my soapbox. I think the speech would be that I want to remind people we are up there because we worked hard to realise a dream we have had since we were so young," Jess said.

"We are not up there because my boobs were flashed all over the world.

"We worked so hard to get to the point where people could rethink pop music and that you can have longevity doing that kind of music, that it doesn't have to be disposable.

"What p---ed me off about everything that has happened this year is that it has degraded and detracted from what we have done.

"Getting nominated for an ARIA isn't easy and winning one is so much harder."

Her twin sister, who shared Jess's pain after private photos were leaked by someone trying to sabotage their career, said it was important The Veronicas remained inspirational to their young fans.

"We want people to have the dream that maybe they can get up there on the ARIAs stage like we did," she said.

Oh lord, where to begin with this one...

Firstly "girls", I think it's important to note here that whenever I have the horrid misfortune of hearing your "music", it certainly doesn't make me rethink pop music, or anything at all for that matter. In fact it only reinforces my firmly held opinion that you are both, in fact, hell born hobgoblins who function solely on money and dick. You make label driven hyperbole that is gone from the minds of listeners as quickly as it enters it, and with any luck any and all memory of your fucking woeful careers thus far will be completely erased before the end of the decade.

Secondly, getting nominated for an ARIA isn't worth shit. I mean for fucks sake, they actually have awards for "highest selling single". HOW THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN AN AWARD. More to that, WHY ARE THERE NOMINEES??? You're a part of a major record corporation. Sales figures are your bible. "Winning" something like this is not a fucking surprise. But more to that, the categories you aspire to (chiefly: pop) are populated by other vacuous wastes of fucking life that it turns this "contest" into a game of "Who is this years biggest cocksmoking harlot?".

And last, but certainly not least, I have one last thing to say.
IF YOU DIDN'T WANT PICTURES OF YOUR TITS CIRCULATING THE GODDAMNED INTERNET, THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SENT FUCKING PHOTOS OF THEM OUT IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE, YOU FUCKING RETARDED FUCKING BITCH.

FAIL. HAIL OF FAIL.

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Gabriella Cilmi

Who?

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Mantyhose

Guy1: Hey man, check out my sweet pantyhose!!
Guy 2: Yeah they're about as cool as aids.
Guy 1: But don't I look cool?
Guy 2: No.

If you have to have this conversation with any of your mates you should probably kill them. There is no excuse for this shit.

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India

A mutant fish has started killing people after feeding on human corpses dumped in a river, scientists believe.

The catfish, called a goonch, may have developed a taste for human flesh in an Indian river where bodies are dumped after funerals.

Locals believe the fish has moved on from scavenging to snatching bathers who swim in the Great Kali, located along the India-Nepal border.

I don't know what is more disturbing the fact that there is a mutant fish that kills people or the fact that THESE PEOPLE SWIM IN THE SAME RIVER THAT THEY DUMP CORPSES IN!!!

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The Jonas Brothers

What the fuck is this. 1989 called, they want their clothes back.

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These dickless wankers

You can't stop here. Ever.

There aren't any bats here. This isn't the country. That's not even a real cigarette.

Fuck off.

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"Summer Santa"

No.

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Allen Keys

They really should be renamed dick tools, because when you use one of these craptastic examples of pure fail on joint, the only thing you'll be doing to it is fucking it.

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This shit

Fucking what?

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Wall Street

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Andrew Demetriou

FOOTBALL'S night of nights began with the shamble of shambles. A calamity, even, when Andrew Demetriou started counting the Brownlow Medal at Round 2.

You fucking retard.

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Steve Jobs

Smug fuckhead.

How about I integrate my fist with your trachea?

You could call it "iPunch You in the Fucking Throat, Asshat".

How's that for User-Friendly?

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The Large Hadron Collider

Normally, when dudes want to draw attention away from the fact that they have little-to-no dick, they buy a sports car.

But occasionally, a large group of dickless nancy boys assemble in the one place. And even more occasionally, that group happens to assemble on the French/Swiss border.

When this happens, the collective fail of that group is so great, that the resulting failure by-product is the useless piece of shit known to us as the Large Hadron Collider.

I mean, when Stephen Hawking treats you sarcastic contempt you know you're destined for a fail of such colossal proportions that you'll need to spend the next 20 years devising a algorithmic model in order to comprehend just how big of a fuckhead you really are.

Also, "Hadron" is far too close to "Hardon" for anyone to take the damn thing seriously.

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Perez Hilton

Fucking kill yourself, Fatty.

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People who drive whilst wearing headphones

Idiots.

If you're that keen on being a dickhead we can simply cut out the middle man and I'll fetch a baseball bat and beat the living fuck out of both you and your car.

It'd yield the same result with less than half the effort.

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