Greenhorns

TEN people have died from drinking poisoned home-made booze in a northern Iranian province despite a ban on alcohol consumption, the Mehr news agency reported.

The report issued today did not specify when the deaths occurred but said the incident took place in Rasht, the capital of the province of Gilan.

Quoting local police commander Bahman Ameri Mogaddam, Mehr said at least 27 people were being treated in hospital after consuming the spirits and that two were in critical condition.

Home-made spirits are largely consumed in poorer neighbourhoods but the use of industrial chemicals in their production poses serious health risks.

Good FUCKING grief.

YOU'RE.

DOING.

IT.

WRONG.

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Polar Bears

Potentially fatal to the polar bear, global warming has already left its mark on the species with smaller, less robust bears that are increasingly showing cannibalistic tendencies.

You stupid fucks. Why on earth are you eating each other when there are plenty of useless fucking Eskimos about for you to gnaw on and gain precious sustenance?

Learn to hunt, fuckers.

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Ridiculous Superstitions

Today I broke a mirror under a ladder whilst kicking a black cat into an open umbrella that was sitting in a pool of spilt salt on my living room floor.

Fucking come at me.

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Drawn-On Eyebrows

You're not fooling anyone, you fucking mongcunts.

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This shit

NO WAY! SOMEONE CALL FUCKING RIPLEY'S. FUCK.

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