Open up your brainboxes, kids. Because I'm about to drop some knowledge.
It's not a hard thing to comprehend. It really isn't. So there are no excuses for fucking this up as many times as you all have been.
If it continues, you're going to receive a swift jab to your Achilles tendon.
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Go Duster makes dusting fast, easy and fun!
Unless that duster comes with a hit of acid I can guarantee it won't be fun.
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Fuck off out of the national side and buy a sports bar already, you useless fucking waste of space.
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I know I had a crack at the guy in my last post but seriously this shit is awesome...
If a guy can't get hammered on the biggest night of the Australian TV industry calender the there is something seriously wrong. Today Tonight can fuck off this shit is awesome.
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Gone are the days of classic cartoons on one station and gimic free news on the other. This is the filth I have to deal with at 7am
Sunrise
This show is aggravating on so many levels. The show seems to be Australia's highest employer of "Social Commentators" who's sole purpose seems to be to come on and discuss pressing issues that generally seem to revolve around the following themes...
Also shows on channel 9 always seem like they've been put together by a year 12 media class.
ABC News Breakfast
During the first couple of weeks of watching this I believed that my morning TV problems had been solved. Finally a morning show without all the bullshit, no social commentators, no competitions just straight up news. I slowly came to realise that Virginia Trioli seems to know everything about fucking everything and has an unhealthy obsession of trying to prove herself as a credible journalist and not just the token female co-host.
Seriously you don't have to add a comment to every single conversation and attacking the credibility of every single politician that comes on your show is not "hard hitting journalism" it's just fucking annoying. There is a time and a place for this type of shit but it sure ain't breakfast television.
Totally Wild
Totally wild is sort of like that show Medium. Boring as hell but has somehow managed to stay of TV for like 10 years. I don't want to learn about bugs or some shit I WANT CARTOONS!!!
Here are just a couple of cartoons Ten could put on instead.
P.S. Yeah I know I could just turn the TV off blah blah blah SHUT UP!
THEY'RE NOT VAMPIRES, THEY'RE FUCKING SHITCUNTING, ARSE-SPELUNKING, PISS SWILLING, DICK CHEESED FAGGOTS.
It's not cool, it's not romantic, it's not anything. It's a piece of fucking shit.
I would say that I completely question how voluntarily allowing the undead to end your life and turn your physical body into an unholy undead menance with a voracious appetite for human blood could be considered in any way romantic, but oh-fucking-no, the stupid whore who wrote it didn't follow the literary canon on vampires that had been well-fucking-established long before she came along.
REAL Vampires stalk the living only at night, burn to a crisp in daylight, ensnare virginal females with a mythical power for the SOLE FUCKING PURPOSE of relieving them of all their blood-like fluids, and are generally fucking bad ass.
The things in Twilight, on the other hand, are nothing but a bunch of two-bit pussyfooting nancy boy cuntfaces who glitter in the sunlight like some ponsing, pinging, raving fluoro fuckface who somehow stumbled onto the set of Art Attack and rolled around for 10 hours bellowing "The Hey Song" at the top of his lungs.
Anyone who actively reads and buys into this shit should be stabbed through the heart with a stake. You want your precious fantasy vampire life? You got it, shitcicles.
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"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?"
"HOLY SHIT. I DON'T KNOW, IT LOOKS NORMAL, BUT IT'S SOMETHING THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND."
"FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK."
"RUN, ASSHOLE. RUN AWAY FROM THE NORMAL THING."
"SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT."
"
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That's what it's actually called. I'm not making this up.
No. That's a bad barbeque.
You cannot defeat Vega. You are a barbeque.
You can't even get past Guile.
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Sample dialogue:
PETA: "Eating meat is wrong."
Me: "Ok. But why?"
PETA: "Because it's wrong."
Me: "Yes, I gathered your position on this. Can you provide some clarification?"
PETA: "Well, it's wrong because it is."
Me: "...what?"
PETA: "If you eat meat, therefore you are bad and should stop eating meat."
Me: "Yeah, Ok. I get that part. But give me some reasons."
PETA: "Well, for starters, it's bad. Now here's a picture of a cool celebrity not eating meat."
Me: "[/furious headdesking]"
Look at that steak. Look at that motherfucking steak.
It's currently sitting on my plate being awesome and cooked (medium rare, for those keeping score at home).
Now I'm going to eat that steak.
Because it is delicious.
Om-nom-fucking-nom, PETA.
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No Inbox you say? Oh man. That one that I've had for fucking EONS must've all just been an illusion.
The only Inbox that I'll be setting up with you doucheholes is the one where I put your head IN a BOX, and then smack you seventeen thousand times with a fucking Kendo Stick.
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A modern-day remake of the film (The Warriors) is set to be directed by some shitforbrains, with a tentative release date of 2010. The remake may include real gang members and try to create a modern version of the story, set in Not New York. And just recently veteran actor weak dog has been chosen to play a role that he'll suck at.
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