Epic.Fail.: Movies

Showing posts with label Movies. Show all posts

14.5.10

The advertising for Macgruber

"The funniest Saturday Night Live film since Wayne's World!"

What? I've got copies of Wayne's World 2, Coneheads, A Night at the Roxbury and Office Space that say otherwise.

"The best action-comedy since Beverly Hills Cop!"

Alright, now that's just a flat-out fucking lie. I haven't seen Macgruber at all and don't actually plan on doing so, but I'll stake my house and reputation on it not being the kind of movie that warrants a "best" of anything. Maybe in 6 months time it can grab a "Best value under $3" sticker on the front of the DVD, but that's it.

"Crude, ridiculous, and very, very funny!"

Fuck off, fuck off, fuck right off. Ryan Phillipe hasn't done a damn thing since the stupid dickhead ditched Reese Witherspoon (who does that? seriously?), and Will Forte would be a one-trick pony if only he learned whatever that one trick was.

Go see Hot Tub Time Machine instead.

Fail-O-Meter:

29.4.10

Fuller

Seriously kid. Go easy on the Pepsi.

And stop smiling, you little shit.

Fail-O-Meter:

17.8.09

"Best 2009 Film"

Really? That's the best you could come up with? REALLY?

Fail-O-Meter:

3.7.09

Megan Fox

So I went and saw Transformers 2 recently; Michael Bay has a lot to answer for. Anyways I knew it would suck but I thought "at least Megan Fox will be capering around being hot". This would have been the case if she wasn't dressed up like some sort of galactic whore...

I can't find a picture that supports my argument but if you've seen the movie you know what I mean...

Don't get me wrong the chick is fine but seriously, lay off the makeup.

Fail-O-Meter:

2.5.09

Twilight

THEY'RE NOT VAMPIRES, THEY'RE FUCKING SHITCUNTING, ARSE-SPELUNKING, PISS SWILLING, DICK CHEESED FAGGOTS.

It's not cool, it's not romantic, it's not anything. It's a piece of fucking shit.

I would say that I completely question how voluntarily allowing the undead to end your life and turn your physical body into an unholy undead menance with a voracious appetite for human blood could be considered in any way romantic, but oh-fucking-no, the stupid whore who wrote it didn't follow the literary canon on vampires that had been well-fucking-established long before she came along.

REAL Vampires stalk the living only at night, burn to a crisp in daylight, ensnare virginal females with a mythical power for the SOLE FUCKING PURPOSE of relieving them of all their blood-like fluids, and are generally fucking bad ass.

The things in Twilight, on the other hand, are nothing but a bunch of two-bit pussyfooting nancy boy cuntfaces who glitter in the sunlight like some ponsing, pinging, raving fluoro fuckface who somehow stumbled onto the set of Art Attack and rolled around for 10 hours bellowing "The Hey Song" at the top of his lungs.

Anyone who actively reads and buys into this shit should be stabbed through the heart with a stake. You want your precious fantasy vampire life? You got it, shitcicles.

Fail-O-Meter:

6.4.09

This shit

Broke Men committing Heresy.

A modern-day remake of the film (The Warriors) is set to be directed by some shitforbrains, with a tentative release date of 2010. The remake may include real gang members and try to create a modern version of the story, set in Not New York. And just recently veteran actor weak dog has been chosen to play a role that he'll suck at.