This shit

Seriously, whoever took my spot as #2 best scientist is fucking dead.

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The current direction of AFL

I don't know if this shit goes down in other codes but every week it seems the "rules" of Aussie rules changes. When the Yanks think about Australian Rules the often conjure images like the ones below...

I'm sorry to break it to you but not all Australians are like Crocodile Dundee and our football is no longer the man sport it used to be.

Seriously what was wrong with the rule set we had 20 years ago? 10 years ago if you accidentally ran into an umpire it was a non event, now you cop a $5k fine and a 4 week suspension. EVEN WHEN IT'S THE FUCKING UMPIRES FAULT!!! You used to be able to take your time when taking a shot a goal; now we have shot clock... THIS AIN'T THE FUCKING NBA SHITHEAD, FOOTBALLERS AIN'T BALLIN' OR SHOT CALLIN' GODDAMNIT!!!

Apparently a a sense of atmosphere and umpires getting bowled over funniest home videos style isn't entertaining.

AFL is a mans sport. Not fucking netball in shorts. The sooner these pencil pushers get money off their minds and start thinking about entertainment the better.

P.S. AFL is still better than American football. Lose the padding and harden the fuck up. Also rugby league is boring as hell. "Me get ball and take to other end of field ugha ugha"...

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Lawrence Leung

We get it, you like rubix cubes.

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Two and a Half Men

TWO AND A HALF MEN

"Every Episode for the Upcoming Season"

INT. DAY - The Harper Residence

CHARLIE SHEEN has sex with a woman one third his age.

The woman exits the house. JON CRYER has a neurotic breakdown, then recovers all in the space of 5 seconds.

THE KID makes a snide-but-obvious remark about being a kid.

CUE SFX: "MEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNN".

Roll Credits.

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Pete Wentz (continued)

Unless that message is "I'm a massive faggot with faggoty hair and a face like a sundried poo" then I don't want to fucking know about it.

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People who don't know the difference between "Your" and "You're"

Open up your brainboxes, kids. Because I'm about to drop some knowledge.

It's not a hard thing to comprehend. It really isn't. So there are no excuses for fucking this up as many times as you all have been.

If it continues, you're going to receive a swift jab to your Achilles tendon.

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Dancing

You look like a fuckhead.

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Go Duster

Go Duster makes dusting fast, easy and fun!

Unless that duster comes with a hit of acid I can guarantee it won't be fun.

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Shane Watson

Fuck off out of the national side and buy a sports bar already, you useless fucking waste of space.

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Anyone who has ripped on Karl Stefanovic for his performance on Monday

I know I had a crack at the guy in my last post but seriously this shit is awesome...

If a guy can't get hammered on the biggest night of the Australian TV industry calender the there is something seriously wrong. Today Tonight can fuck off this shit is awesome.

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The state of morning television

Gone are the days of classic cartoons on one station and gimic free news on the other. This is the filth I have to deal with at 7am

Sunrise






This show is aggravating on so many levels. The show seems to be Australia's highest employer of "Social Commentators" who's sole purpose seems to be to come on and discuss pressing issues that generally seem to revolve around the following themes...

• Do men do things that are stereotypically male?
• Do I really have to pay for "x" service that is being supplied to me by "x" business?
• Kids don't have to learn the same stuff we did when we were at school.
  

But the best part of the show is where a home viewer writes in with a problem they are having with "the man". Que the following script

Kochie: Can we do something about that?
Producers: Um well no not..
Kochie: Don't worry viewer Sunrise is on the case, we'll follow this up for you.

WELL THANK FUCKING FUCK SUNRISE, MASTERS OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE ARE HERE TO SAVE LOWER-MIDDLE CLASS AUSTRALIA FROM MILD INCONVENIENCE. THANK GOD SUNRISE, THE HARBINGERS OF JUSTICE ARE HERE TO KEEP THE BASTARDS HONEST!!!

Moving on.


Today

Today is certainly not as bad as Sunrise in terms of cheese but it make up for this in other areas. Carl Stefanovic seems determined to give the alternate right point of view regardless of how insensitive it may be...

Also shows on channel 9 always seem like they've been put together by a year 12 media class.

ABC News Breakfast

During the first couple of weeks of watching this I believed that my morning TV problems had been solved. Finally a morning show without all the bullshit, no social commentators, no competitions just straight up news. I slowly came to realise that Virginia Trioli seems to know everything about fucking everything and has an unhealthy obsession of trying to prove herself as a credible journalist and not just the token female co-host.

Seriously you don't have to add a comment to every single conversation and attacking the credibility of every single politician that comes on your show is not "hard hitting journalism" it's just fucking annoying. There is a time and a place for this type of shit but it sure ain't breakfast television.

Totally Wild

Totally wild is sort of like that show Medium. Boring as hell but has somehow managed to stay of TV for like 10 years. I don't want to learn about bugs or some shit I WANT CARTOONS!!!

Here are just a couple of cartoons Ten could put on instead.

• TMNT
• Batman
• Pokemon (I don't want to see a word against Pokemon in the comments section)

Filipino/Greek/Mandarin News
While these shows are generally more entertaining than the above (or maybe just less infuriating I can't tell) I don't speak any language other than English. Enough said. I am hoping however one day I discover a culture where it is common occurrence for fights to break out on morning television. Until then ABC kids will have to do.

P.S. Yeah I know I could just turn the TV off blah blah blah SHUT UP!

Twilight

THEY'RE NOT VAMPIRES, THEY'RE FUCKING SHITCUNTING, ARSE-SPELUNKING, PISS SWILLING, DICK CHEESED FAGGOTS.

It's not cool, it's not romantic, it's not anything. It's a piece of fucking shit.

I would say that I completely question how voluntarily allowing the undead to end your life and turn your physical body into an unholy undead menance with a voracious appetite for human blood could be considered in any way romantic, but oh-fucking-no, the stupid whore who wrote it didn't follow the literary canon on vampires that had been well-fucking-established long before she came along.

REAL Vampires stalk the living only at night, burn to a crisp in daylight, ensnare virginal females with a mythical power for the SOLE FUCKING PURPOSE of relieving them of all their blood-like fluids, and are generally fucking bad ass.

The things in Twilight, on the other hand, are nothing but a bunch of two-bit pussyfooting nancy boy cuntfaces who glitter in the sunlight like some ponsing, pinging, raving fluoro fuckface who somehow stumbled onto the set of Art Attack and rolled around for 10 hours bellowing "The Hey Song" at the top of his lungs.

Anyone who actively reads and buys into this shit should be stabbed through the heart with a stake. You want your precious fantasy vampire life? You got it, shitcicles.

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