Bad Beards

This is an example of a real beard:

This however, is what happens when you dip your face in a bowl of iron filings:

For fucks sake, if you only heed one piece of advice this year, make it this one:

If you can't, don't.

Fail-O-Meter:

Durian

Call me crazy, but I'm not too comfortable with the idea of eating something that looks like the aftermath of an E-Coli ridden Thai Green Curry.

Fail-O-Meter:

Hiring Non-Union Workers (continued)

Seriously. You get what you pay for.

Fail-O-Meter:

People who wear Bluetooth Headsets

Nothing says "I'm a cockbrained yuppie fuckwit" quite like these ridiculous things.

If you yourself happen to own or use one, here's a list of other things you may enjoy:

• A tall Starbucks mocha-frappa-orange-cappa-fucker-cafe-minger-I'm-a-dicklicker-chino. With sprinkles.
• Necrophilia.
• Dan Brown novels and/or Michael Bay movies.
• Enya's complete discography.
• Baccarat.
• All things pertaining to the nation of France and its people therein.
• Flower arranging and assorted flower arranging paraphernalia.
  
• Bob Geldof.
  

Fail-O-Meter:

Bindi Irwin

Let's break it down:

- Shares the same horrifyingly positive demeanour that most Pentacostal Suicide Cult leaders have.

- 22 months on, is still using a coffin as a soapbox.

- Has a face like a stepped-on Bullfrog.

Look sweetheart, you may like to focus on only happy things, cute little animals and the like. And that's fine for the time being.

But I've got sour news for you, Missy. The world isn't all sunshine, fairy tales, popcorn and farts. One of these days you'll discover both this and crystal meth, and then the rest of us will be all the better for it.

Fail-O-Meter:

The singer from Something With Numbers

That daft looking thing in the middle.

Fucking horse-faced cunt with a voice that sounds like he's been chugging Draino.

Get a haircut, nancy boy.

Fail-O-Meter:

Bond

They aren't even that hot.

Fail-O-Meter:

Shitty Facebook Ads

Oh, shit. OK then.

*sigh*

Fail-O-Meter:

Andre Rieu

Andre Rieu's Resume

Achievements

• 1999; dubbed the "New Waltz King" for his emulation of Johann Strauss's performing style.
• "Export Prize" of the Gold and Silver Harps award, January 1998
• World biggest shit-eating grin 2008

Fail-O-Meter:

This Guy

A drunken 78-year-old Swede stole a dinghy after a night out in the Danish town of Helsingor and tried to row back to Sweden, but fell asleep halfway, Danish police say.

Idiot

Fail-O-Meter: