HOW ARE YOU EVEN A COUNTRY?
Fail-O-Meter:
20.2.10
3.2.10
The phrase "Oh no he/she didn't!"
Motherfucker, you were RIGHT FUCKING THERE. You saw it. You saw it with your own eyes, and you heard it with your own fucking ears. Of course they did it. They did it, and you know they that they did it. You know this, because you were FUCKING. WELL. THERE. So why question it? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS WHEN YOU JUST FUCKING WELL SAW THE SHIT.
You inattentive DICKHEAD. FUCK.
Fail-O-Meter:
Personalised number plates
Nothing says "short-sighted fucktard" like a stupidly expensive 7 character phrase that was funny once for about 3 seconds.
Fail-O-Meter:
21.1.10
James Cameron
With all this 3D fuckwittery that he's got going on, you'd think he'd utilise the same technology to trick his wife into finally thinking that he does, in fact, possess a functioning set of testes.
But apparently he's content to eternally remain a dickless wonder.
Fail-O-Meter:
20.1.10
Corporate Name-Sponsored Stadiums
Man, back in the day sports venues used to sound so cool. You'd have simple, completely badass sounding places like The Coliseum, or Meadowlands, or York Motherfucking Park. Nowadays it seems like every retard and his cheque book can throw his dick and balls on the side of an arena and call it "corporate sponsorship". To make matters worse, they sound RIDICULOUS. Hisense Arena? Izod Centre? ETIHAD STADIUM?
FUCK. THAT.
When I get good and rich, I'm going to buy a stadium and rename it myself. Just for shits and giggles, I'll buy the team that plays there and rename that too! Fuck it, I'm going to throw money everywhere at everyone. You can't stop me, chief. I'm in the fucking ZONE.
From 2015 on you'll be able to see the New Jersey Suckmydicks playing at Eatmyshit Arena, as they make their way towards their third Cockface Cup in a row. Games broadcast exclusively on the Everyone's Shitty Poo Network.
Fail-O-Meter:
Dudes who should be bald, but aren't
The type of muppet who tries to defy the will of nature by going to Advanced Hair or using fucking Rogain or Dimoxinyl or whatfuckingever. You know the type. By all accounts, they should be sporting a dome by now, but instead they've used filthy gypsy cheats and grown their hair back. So now they flaunt their non-baldness by doing ridiculous shit with it like in the above. The end result bares an uncanny resemblance to a burnt out abandoned sparrows nest.
Take the hint. You've run the hair gauntlet, and you fucking well lost. Deal with it.
Fail-O-Meter:
13.1.10
Jay Leno
Miserably retarded hack who's been rehashing the same jokes that have been stale since 1992. Furthermore, is a Chinbeast that should hung, drawn and quartered in a public square alongside such other mythical beasts as Gojira, Gamera, Mecha-Streisand, and JizzBoy: The Boy made of Jizz.
Fail-O-Meter:
Military Re-enactments
What a staggering, mind-numbing, face-boiling, soul-depriving waste of fucking time.
Fail-O-Meter:
22.12.09
Dudes who still "octopus" their guitar strings
It's not 1998 and you're not in Static X.
Clean your shit up.
Fail-O-Meter:
Joe McElderry
That right there is not only the little shitforbrains who got his chart-related arse handed to him by a fucking Facebook group, but he's also your unbackable favourite for "World's Biggest Shit-Eating Grin 2009".
Fail-O-Meter:
11.12.09
6.12.09
Blogs that turn into Books
Why the fuck would I want a shitty paperback version of someone's shitty wordpress?
Why the fuck would I want to PAY for that, when I can Firefox the shit out of it for free?
Why the fuck do you think your shitty bullshit blog fuckwittery would have even the smallest chance of standing up for itself in the vast literary world?
And, finally, but most importantly:
How the fuck are you going to repay me because my Boss yelled at me because I couldn't ALT+TAB my way out of your dumbfuck blogbook when I saw him coming?
Eat shit, kill yourself, repeat.
Fail-O-Meter:
26.11.09
The ARIA Awards
I'm convinced that the statue is designed like that in the faint hope that the utter shitfucks who actually win these "awards" take the hint and use the statue to skewer their own brains out.
What a fucking joke.
Fail-O-Meter:
12.11.09
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