Clay Court Tennis

Any sport that Spaniards excel at should be universally outlawed.

Fail-O-Meter:

Bad Buskers who insist on being called "Musicians"

Open up your braintanks, because I'm about to drop some premium, 91 Octane knowledge.

If your most regular gig is a tram stop, you're not a musician, you're a complete fucking annoyance.

Fail-O-Meter:

Lacrosse

What the fucking fuck even is this stupid game?

A bunch of over-privileged retards skipping around a field, wailing on each other with sticks.

And those helmets are ridiculous.

Die.

Fail-O-Meter:

The advertising for Macgruber

"The funniest Saturday Night Live film since Wayne's World!"

What? I've got copies of Wayne's World 2, Coneheads, A Night at the Roxbury and Office Space that say otherwise.

"The best action-comedy since Beverly Hills Cop!"

Alright, now that's just a flat-out fucking lie. I haven't seen Macgruber at all and don't actually plan on doing so, but I'll stake my house and reputation on it not being the kind of movie that warrants a "best" of anything. Maybe in 6 months time it can grab a "Best value under $3" sticker on the front of the DVD, but that's it.

"Crude, ridiculous, and very, very funny!"

Fuck off, fuck off, fuck right off. Ryan Phillipe hasn't done a damn thing since the stupid dickhead ditched Reese Witherspoon (who does that? seriously?), and Will Forte would be a one-trick pony if only he learned whatever that one trick was.

Go see Hot Tub Time Machine instead.

Fail-O-Meter:

Justin Bieber

There's just something about his stupid weasel-face that's ever-so-punchable.

Fuck. Look at him. Even when he's bungy jumping he keeps that "HURRRRRDURRRRRRR" shit eating look.

I don't know much about this world, but I do know that there's a blazing hot fire with this little polesmoker's name written all over it.

Get fucked.

Fail-O-Meter: